Chapter 66: Meet In the Riddle

Thank GOODNESS they were able to make sure Inigo didn't die. I would have pissed! I would have like, thrown something probably. Dr. Bad has done too much, um.....bad! And now the gang has somehow convinced this crazy scientist man that they're useful to his mission. But, what is his mission exactly? He's seemed to have figured out the void and is interested in Earth, but will the gang be able to keep up the charade for long? How will they find a way back home? Will we ever see Elle again? It's all here in one of the FINAL episodes of season 2 of DUUUUNNNGGGGEEOOONNN RRRAAADDIIIOOOO HHHHOOOUUURR!!!!

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THIS SHOW IS NSFW AND NSFK (Not safe for kids. sorry kids!)

Our DM is Dalton Rusher-Riddle
Our Players are Andrew Gehrlein, Michael Adair & Alissa Adair
Theme song by Dustin Hook
Sound effects from Zapsplat and Pixabay
Background music by Ambientv, freemusiclab on Pixabay

Please check out our Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, AND NOW PATREON on our Linktree to keep up with the latest DRH news!

Bye for now~
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Hello and welcome to Space Cadets to season two of Dungeon Radio Hour. An actual play comedy podcast where the billions of planets in the Milky Way, I'm stuck on this one with you three. As always, I'm your host and Dungeon Master Dalton Rusha Riddle. Joined once again by my ragtag band of heroes. Introduce yourself, heroes.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

I'm Michael Adair.

SPEAKER_04 0:41

I'm Alyssa Adair.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

And I'm Andrew Gerline from Earth. That's the planet Dalton was talking about.

SPEAKER_04 0:48

We all are from there, actually.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Oh my god, we are. We have so much more in common than we have different.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

Whoa.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

Do we? Do we? Do we?

SPEAKER_04 0:58

Yeah. It's like as we as if we held hands around the world.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

World peace. It's it's a great.

SPEAKER_04 1:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

It's possible.

SPEAKER_04 1:10

That's the slogan.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

Yeah. It really does make the rest of what we're gonna do here seem pretty unimportant when you when you frame it. And the greatest.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Well, when you say Christina, you're never gonna get world peace, so give up and listen to this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Yeah, that's right. Listen.

SPEAKER_04 1:24

Oh my god, Dalton, please bring us something more positive.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Okay. Um, so like the good dungeon master that I am, I did plan a pre-show, but I am going to go off script just a little bit. Um, because it's been, for you listeners out there, it's been I would say a solid eight weeks or so since the four of us sat down in a virtual meeting space and recorded together. Um, it's been so long that Alyssa actually forgot how to hit record before we started our session this evening.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

We recorded for four hours before we realized we're doing the broadcast the third time.

SPEAKER_04 2:04

All of it lost.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

This one will have no energy.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Um but the reason why it's been so long since we've all met is we've all had some pretty significant things going on in our personal lives. So I wanted to give the floor to each of you to share some of the awesome things that have been happening. Uh so whoever wants to start, because I think it's all been pretty cool. So I think everyone needs to share.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

I think Andrews is the biggest, so he should go first.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Actually, Andrews is the tiniest.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Mine's the tiniest. I took a big shit the other day, and it had been a while. Oh, yeah. There's the clap the fibergrowing helping out the biggest audience. That's huge, dude. No, it was my wife. She shit out a baby, guys.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

Don't say it like that.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Had a baby. His name's Ben. He's six weeks old. He's fucking cooler than you guys. Um, and we love him. And he's the dungeon radio hour baby.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

He's the dungeon baby. He is the dungeon baby. Dungeon babies now make your dreams come true. Yeah. All right, don't worry.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

He'll eventually surpass us. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

It's like Muppet Babies, but with little little dungeon babies.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Walking around in a chainmail diaper and carrying a flail. Doing magic.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Chainmail diaper. That's uh that's an image.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

Okay, so Andrew, tell us, at what age will you have him roll for his uh class?

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Six weeks is enough. He's being a little bitch. He's not like playing DD with me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 3:30

He's really just all about him and his needs at this point.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Oh neaty.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

I don't want to perpetuate gender norms, but man up and play DD with your dad, six-week-old baby.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

That's true. Honestly.

SPEAKER_04 3:41

How's it feel being a dad?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

A lot of just wetness.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

That's everything I've heard about fatherhood. It's just damp. It's wet.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

It's damp. I found poop in my pocket the other day somehow. He pooped in my pocket. I don't know how he did that. There was poop in my pocket. Um, it just it's fatherhood, it's great.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

It so it's great. So it's great. It's going great.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

If you're in you gotta be ready for poop. You gotta be ready. The worst part is the laundry. It just fucking never stops.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

I've heard they poop, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:16

Well, because not just that, but they like to spit stuff up.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yeah, it's like the fucking burp rags and the fucking crib sheets and the goddamn pillowcase.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

Like he's gambling.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Yeah, yeah. And the gotta pay his crib bill, and that's expensive.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Oh, I see. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Crib rent? It's like two dollars a month. Oh, wow. I don't have that shit. Yeah, if you finance on Klarna.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

Yeah, dude. That's a good one. On Amazon.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Remember that button you see sometimes? Uh uh don't ever click that guy. You can fucking pay for it. Um what else? Um, that's pretty much all of fatherhood. I've slept two hours in the last six weeks.

SPEAKER_04 4:58

Yeah, you can see it.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Total. My eyes are just bleeding.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Yeah. That's Andrew. Andrew's life. Um, my life update is I stole a baby.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Um that's where you went.

SPEAKER_04 5:10

So you're also up one baby.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Well, everyone's up a baby. Well, I'm down a baby. You guys are up a baby.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

My I'll say it. My big life event is my beautiful bride, Alyssa Adair, and I.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Can she really be your bride if you've been married for so long?

SPEAKER_03 5:27

She's still my bride. She's my bride once and for all.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

She's not your bride, she's just that woman you married now.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Yeah, but bridally. Anyway, my beautiful wife. My beautiful wife and I moved to a different state, and I'm becoming a realtor, and that's yeah, I know. Oh wow. Okay. I'm I'm getting a realty license.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

This is very adult. It's very adult, especially for Mike.

SPEAKER_04 5:51

And you see how his eyes are glazing over? That's because he's had to like read up on a bunch of tax laws.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

No, also my eyes just look like that, but all yeah, but yeah, yeah. I've read I've read a lot of tax laws and uh real estate laws, and yeah, it's it's pretty.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Did you read the clause yet where you do have to disclose if a murder occurred on the property? And do you actually have to?

SPEAKER_03 6:12

It's not a thing, it's not real. You don't have to do that at all. But I'll tell people I'll make up some murders. If like if they didn't happen, I'll be like, hey, also, spicy fact, this guy like eviscerated his wife in in the basement here, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Right where we're standing. Exactly. Pool of blood.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

Pool of blood. You see this blood-shaped stain? That was blood from a woman.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

But that's a selling point. Because what are the odds that that happens again in the same house? Exactly. Basically zero. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Not zero, but basically zero.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

It's close enough to zero. And but it's not just my news, guys. It's also Alyssa's news. Alyssa, you share your half of the news, babe.

SPEAKER_04 6:52

I also moved. There we go.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

No, what's new for you? What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 6:57

You moved together. That's crazy, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

We moved together. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

In the same car?

SPEAKER_04 7:02

For anyone watching, you can see the same bad uh like room divider behind us because we're still getting our place all sorted. Um, but yeah, we're at I'll tell you though, we're back in St. Louis, we're back with family, and we're back in the same town as Andrew.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna see each other in real life when the baby's not to be in a problem.

SPEAKER_04 7:30

And now we just have to convince Dol to move back, and then the gang's all back together.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Dog loves a crime.

SPEAKER_03 7:38

Don't come back. Uh you you can sleep on my couch, and Andrew will get rid of the baby. Yep. Don't come back.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

Um super cool, but you know, we were missing the lower gas prices and the insane heat of Missouri.

SPEAKER_03 8:00

So jokes on you. Yeah, then that all kind of changed when we got here. All the bad stuff, all the bad versions.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

How does how does it feel to be back in Missouri? Humid. Gray.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Gray, depressing, gray, underwhelming, yucky. The light is gone.

SPEAKER_04 8:26

If you want a semi-real answer that's not all jokey, it actually feels nice. Um, we really struggled to find like a community out in Los Angeles. I had like people and I had people I'd hang out with, but I didn't feel like that real sense of community. Coming back here where a lot of my friends are, where a lot of my family is, it instantly felt different. I have like seen my friends and family more in the last like month than I have done social outings in the last year in Los Angeles.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

So I'll say this it's way easier to find dishes with white country gravy on them here. It's almost impossible in Los Angeles. Yeah. I say white gravy and they bring me a bowl of quinoa, what is this? And a sex change operation. But now here in Missouri, I can get a bowl of white gravy and a gun for a nickel and a half. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:14

You know what we are also missing? LA Mexican food is too authentic. I want that shitty white queso in shape.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

You want the shitty American ones. Queso, exactly. Too many.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Black pepper makes me sweat, and I want more than that.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

I want queso and I want a margarita that came out of a slushy machine.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

True story, in LA, one time I ordered queso on chips, and they took the chips that happened on the table, and they literally put a single slice of craft cheese. Number one, why did they have craft in their fucking restaurant? That's crazy. Number two, I did say queso, which just means cheese. Exactly. And they just laid it in the chip. Did that really happen? I swear to God, that happened. I would still eat that, but I thought thing of queso. Fat white guy wants a big old bowl of melted cheese.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

Go back there and give me the bowl of white goo.

SPEAKER_04 10:08

I know. LA is like trying to avoid blocking our arteries. Like the Mexican restaurants don't have big globs of queso cheese for me to dip in. Bullshit. The Chinese restaurants don't have crab rain goons. Nothing fried almost. I want that cream cheese. Cream cheese. Cream cheese.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

White cheese. American cheese.

SPEAKER_04 10:26

Give me cheese.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

Dalton, tell us your good news. Mike just cheese.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Um I want crab racoon. My good news is that I successfully launched a company that sells gravy and sex change operations or gravy and guns, depending on your geographical location. What's it called? What's the company called?

SPEAKER_04 10:48

Triple G.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

It's called Red, White, and Goo. Red, White, and Goo. Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

It covers everything.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Um, so my good news is that after a decade of retirement, I got back on stage. Um yeah, man. And we've been rehearsing and working and opening a show uh that we started working on back in mid-February. Uh we opened this past weekend. We have more shows this weekend, and it's been really, really fun. What's the show?

SPEAKER_03 11:22

Hey, tell us the show, tell us the theater, oh, tell us where we're gonna buy dance.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

Three weeks after it closes, three weeks after closing.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

We need to move tickets. Can I usher? Do you need usher?

SPEAKER_00 11:36

All right, go ahead. It's it's called it's called Death Trap. It is a suspense thriller with a like dash of dark comedy thrown in. Um, it's about this uh aging playwright who attempts to steal the work of a student who attended a seminar, and then things get crazy, and then they get crazier, and then they get even more crazy. Um it's just been really, really fun to do.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

I love the movie. Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve. You're playing Christopher Reeve, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:08

No, I'm playing Michael Cain's part.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

You're Michael Cain?

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Okay, but it's crazy that I like I can't think of not playing Sydney. Like now that I go through the process and like discovering who Sydney is through my eyes, like I can't imagine playing the part that I originally auditioned for. I was like, no, can't do that.

SPEAKER_04 12:23

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

That's fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

It's not like having a baby, but you know, it's something tits.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Sounds easy, it sounds better. Maybe we should trade. Maybe we should trade for a while, see how that fits. Yeah, see how that feels.

SPEAKER_04 12:39

Just give it back to the ball. So we can try that.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

We can try that. Um, actually, you know what? For those of you listening at home, uh, go ahead and comment down below if you would want to come and trade with Andrew and take the baby for a what is the yeah, make an offer.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

I'm very open. I'm I'm motivated to get rid of this baby.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Um the three of us, well, I guess four of us, if I include myself, were all last together. You had confronted Dr. Bad in this spire. You had tracked him down through the various labs and uh wings of this facility that you're in. Um, and you chased him down to the lower levels where he was sending Dalton and Jeff and an ego into the void is almost uh almost like a sacrifice. Also, you shape-shifted or polymorphed an ego into a bird and he was able to fly away and escape. And you convinced Dr. Bad that you three were the answers that he needed and had been seeking. He wants to use this void entity to to world hop, um, much like Jeff uh did in season one. And you convinced him that you you were the key, you are the ones who will figure this out for him. And so you've gone to his his home base lab, his main lab to have these negotiations. And as you three step off of the telepad and into this laboratory, it is clean, smooth surfaces, stark white, almost blinding, and there are countless stainless steel instruments of various shape and size, with varying degrees of pain-inducing qualities. There are tubes of various bubbling liquids, some with uh shapes half-formed suspended within those liquids. Uh, but what catches everyone's eye first, and I need everyone to roll a straight d20, please.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

How about a gay d20?

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Hello that's funny.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

That's funny too. 16 12.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

Also 12.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

I enjoy sports. So, Andrew, you pick up on this before Mike and Alyssa do, but there are a series of holographic planets suspended above these individual like plinths that are scattered throughout Dr. a section of Dr. Bad's lab. Um, and some of them have these X's through them. Um, some of them are half formed, and then there's one that just says error, but down on the on the plinth itself, you can see on the data pad there that it says Earth.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

I like raise my eyebrows as if me singing Toto's Africa is a hint to them. What is it, boy? Because Africa's on earth, because Africa's on earth. I don't know what you're saying. It's the only song you can rock out to at a concert and on an elevator. It's Toto's Africa. Africa's on earth, it's Earth. But I say all that with my eyes. It's more of a meaningful look.

SPEAKER_04 16:08

So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I was gonna say, I'm gonna cast message.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Oh, it's smarter. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

When I see Andrew giving me the weird eyes where he's just staring me down, I just in my head whisper to him, what is it? Do you have a plan or something? Here, you can respond back to me.

unknown 16:24

Earth.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

I flick my eyes. Earth. Earth. Earth. Earth. And then I say out loud, Alyssa, if you look right there, it says Earth. Dr. Bad, that's where we're from. Let's just leave this out in the open. Since we're since we're allying ourselves and working together, that's the planet we're looking to get back to.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Why, yes, and bot, I am already aware of that piece of factual information. As you can see, the error message above that particular hollow deck. I haven't quite been able to successfully find Earth.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

It's pronounced Earth. It's pronounced Earth.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

That's how I've been saying it. Earth.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Even correct. It's Earth. Yeah. And well, that's why you need me here, because I can clear this error message no problem, because I have the most advanced AI, honestly, in this whole galactic sector, if I'm being if I'm being honest, us is my AI. And I bet us can unscramble that little uh error message for you. So I guess maybe when we get to that point, yes, if you if you play your cards right, Dr. Bad, maybe I'll uh if you're real fucking lucky, Dr.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Bad, if you play all your cards right. You play your hand right, maybe. Maybe, maybe not, though. Honestly, it it depends on the mood that we're in.

SPEAKER_04 17:59

And if I could talk, um, instead of course. Um yes, exactly. So, Dr. Bad, we've made it understood that you need our help. What is in it for us?

SPEAKER_03 18:13

Yeah, you gotta grease the palms. Alright? You gotta give us the cheddar, the cheese, the dough, the bread. Andrew, jump in here. I like a gruyere myself. He loves a gruyere.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Well, what's in it for you is being able to keep the palms that you so adamantly want grease. I guess I can also throw in a cheese plate if I need to. Oh, you better, because I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

I've been looking for space cheese since I got here.

SPEAKER_04 18:40

I don't know if L uh caught you up with our little talk, but I don't think you understand how petty we can be on Earth. You're saying that, oh, if we give you the information we'll live. We'll go down dying with the knowledge, okay? Oh, we'll do that. We don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

I had assumed that you would be stubborn and heavy-handed about this. I have done some research on ER, and uh I understand that humans uh are very close relatives of jackasses.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

I think he's saying we're jackasses, guys.

SPEAKER_04 19:18

Yeah, I think that was a roundabout way.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

I think he's saying we are jackasses.

SPEAKER_04 19:20

And actually, it's heavy on the th, so ER thing like really heavy on the or maybe he's confusing jackasses with monkeys.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Yeah. Which also isn't entirely right, but like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

He doesn't know why would he know earth animals? I we can't blame him too much. Listen here, uh, buddy. I'm gonna call you. I was gonna call you jackass or an asshole or something. I'm gonna call you buddy since we're working together now. Clearly, you need me to unscramble, and you need my friend Alyssa here, because she can do the coordinate math to make sure you land in the correct world. And and and and Jeff here, hey, he knows all about the portals. He can make this portal open wherever you want it to, as long as Alyssa does the right math, and as long as I unscramble the message. And and that little flash drive, that's our friend Dalton. And you need his power because he's got latent magical energy, and his energy is gonna power the damn portal. So you need him and Mike.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

That was the whole reason that Jeff opened a portal up into Earth. He wanted uh Dalton's power.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

Hold on, Alyssa. Andrew, say say one of the useful things I can do.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

He he can give you any IMDB fact that you might want.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Ask about an IMDB fact. Ask about an IMDB fact. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Who won the 2003 Best Picture, Oscar?

SPEAKER_03 20:44

Too hard, too hard didn't watch that year. One more. Give me one more.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

He was trying to say more than he was trying to do.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Okay, well, fine. Just give me one more, though. That was hard. I didn't fucking know it.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

2007, stacked year for films. Mike, who won Best Director 2007?

SPEAKER_03 21:00

Catherine Bigelow.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

Dr. Bad doesn't know, so yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Catherine Bigelow. And what? And you know what? Just as good as Spielberg. Better You see, this is what you need, Dr. Bad. You can't. We need every every person. And if you work with us, we will send you where you want to go. We will go to Earth. We'll go our separate ways.

SPEAKER_02 21:25

Yarth.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

But maybe we'll take you around a tour of our home country, the united studios of America.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Why while while the two of you are talking nonsense, Dr. Bad is just chuckling to himself and clapping. Um, good, good, good, very good. I knew that the mutants and last rod were important, but I didn't know how they fit into the puzzle. Good, good, this is good, and Droxman is very good to roll you through into useful. Maybe I will spare one life after all of this is done.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

No, no, you can't okay. First of all, don't clap sarcastically at us. Second of all, you can't j didn't you understand you can't kill any of us. We're all pivotal. And because of that, we're all gonna live. And that's it, and that's we just need you to commit to that right now, or we're maybe we won't help you out. Maybe we won't.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

I didn't say anything about knowledge. Killing you. And as he says, I didn't say anything about killing you. There is a light that lights up behind him. And you see in these gravity shackles, okay is unconscious being suspended.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Oh my god, okay! Okay, can you hear us?

SPEAKER_00 22:41

I'm afraid he's a little indith at the moment.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

How did you even know to get him?

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Oh, that little chicken is clucking full of secrets. Damn it, Elle.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Elle is gonna be the death on me.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

You can't blame her, though. She can't really do much without uh unwarranted memory clean.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Well, that sounds like we can blame you, because you did that, right? So can we blame you?

SPEAKER_04 23:05

Yeah, around about your fault. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

We'll blame you and Elle. How about that? We'll blame both of you guys.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

So now the stakes are you tell me how the flash drive and the mutant work together to get me to ER and I let okay go.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. The flash drive- the flash drive is not gonna work. If you try to activate the flash drive with the power, it'll just explode the flash drive because this body can't take all the guys, right? The magical energy. If Dalton's not in a body, he's not gonna be able to activate the power flux.

SPEAKER_04 23:36

We already have uh we have firewalls in place. You know what?

SPEAKER_03 23:40

I'm done with this. I'm done with these games. I pull out my gun. Oh god. I put it to my temple.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Let o let okay go right now. Or if you want any of the knowledge that I have that will get us to Erath, it's about to be splattered all over the wall over here. Don't do it! I'll kill myself. I'm a pivotal part of this operation. We talked about the IMDB thing.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

There was a couple of-fan's a tough act! Wait, wait, wait, Delhi boy, deli boy. Let's not be hasty. Let's let's take one moment here. And as Dr. Bad says, let's take one moment here. He pulls a pair of safety goggles out of his coat and just puts them on. Okay, now go.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

What? What? Oh no. Go what? You gotta blow your bra- I think you gotta blow your brains out, dude. Or you're gonna look like a big old pussy.

SPEAKER_03 24:34

He wants me to do it?

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Yeah, you committed to it. Now he wants you to do it. Oh shit! I didn't think he'd actually call me on it. Is he loading another clip for you? So you have he's loading an he just slid another gun to you. Oh my god. Two guns? Oh!

SPEAKER_03 24:50

Why did I put it up here? Oh no! Somebody asked me a granite Gorwig fact now! Wait!

SPEAKER_04 24:56

Wait! Dalton.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

While this is happening.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

Yes, please bring some sanity to this.

SPEAKER_04 25:04

In this entire chaotic moment, um, and Dr. Bad being thoroughly distracted by Mike and Andrew. I would like to slowly start walking around until I and cast Pass Without Trace to give me a plus ten to my stealth.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:21

Um until I am behind Dr. Bad and I'm gonna take out my moon knife and hold it up against his throat.

unknown 25:29

Damn.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Um, okay, so here's what I need to happen. I need you to give me a performance check. Um one of you roll as you would, and then the other one gets to roll and add that to the other person's roll.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

I rolled an 18. I rolled a 16.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Damn. Okay. Um, and then Alyssa, roll for yourself.

SPEAKER_04 25:56

And I got 25 because I get plus 10.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Damn. So, um, Dr. Bat is thoroughly distracted by whatever Andrew and Mike are doing.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

Uh fun fact, Greddick Orwig is 37 years old.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

No, well, she's 42.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

But she looks great. She looks great. Can we admit that? Can we all admit that? I'm pivotal to the operation. Absolutely pivotal to the operation.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Have you seen Ladybird?

SPEAKER_03 26:24

It's actually really good.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

It's watching.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

Not actually really good. It's of course it's really good.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

No, you watch it in a hotel or something. You don't choose to do it. Exactly. I watched it to you.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

I watch it on the plane.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

While while this is while this is happening, um, Alyssa, you do successfully sneak up behind Dr. Bad and brandish your moon sword against his throat. Um, you immediately feel every bone in his body tense. Um, what you also notice as you approach is as you come up behind him and like slip your arm around him and hold your sword up to his throat. Um, you don't feel your skin pressed against his skin through the fabric of his lab coat. Um, you feel something very hard, something very cold, something very metallic.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

When I hold it against the neck, do I hear like a little ding of metal?

SPEAKER_00 27:15

No, you you watch as the blade um presses ever so gently into the aged and wrinkled flesh of Dr. Bad's neck.

SPEAKER_03 27:25

Do you see that, Dr. Bad? Feel that against your throat? That's the blade of my wife, my beautiful wife, Alyssa Derek A. Pingy for your thoughts. I I take off a costume. I don't have a costume, so I just remove all my clothes. Here's the thing. This was all a ruse, a sham. I don't know anything about Greta Gerwick. And I didn't watch Ladybird.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Oh, you convinced me, dude. Timothy Chalamet. Timothy Chalamet. I know I'm saying Chalamet.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

Timothy.

SPEAKER_04 27:55

Alright, Dr. Bad. Uh Timothy Chrysler. Dr. Bad, you have made it perfectly clear that you care about nothing except your own skin. So if you want to save that skin from being flayed off of your shriveled body, I would suggest you bring more to the table in this negotiation.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Wow. This was an unexpected show of war. Especially from you any. Nothing in my records indicated you would do something so rash.

SPEAKER_04 28:31

But you also know from your studies that all of us are very unpredictable. Wasn't that our strength?

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Yes. Um and Dr. Bad slowly lifts his hands up over his head, and listen, as he does so, you hear the creaking and grinding of metal against metal as the rotation of his shoulders raises his arms up above his head. Um but if you look at his hands, his hands look they look like they are made of flesh. Like there's nothing that like stands out as being or like synthetic in any way.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Can I use my free hand to frisk him to feel what's going on better?

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Give me a slide of hand, Jack, please.

SPEAKER_04 29:20

Uh 14.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

Alyssa, you are able to feel up against Dr. Bad. You're your 14 isn't enough to get a clear sense of what it is you're feeling, but it's cold, it's metallic, it's hard. Um, it's not the decrepit body of an old man that you assumed it would be.

SPEAKER_04 29:42

Dr. Bad, don't tell me you've experimented on yourself, too.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

We've all experimented on ourselves when we're alone in our closet on Space House.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

We all experiment with each other or by ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

My dear, what kind of mad scientist would I be if I didn't try things out of myself every once in a while? Um, and as he laughs and still raising up his arms, he does slip off his lab coat. But as he does, he kind of like you notice, you usually see him very hunched over, but as he slips off his lab coat, one by one, he his vertebrae just kind of roll back up and stack on top of each other. As you see that underneath his coat, he's wearing a robotic brace that makes him significantly more dense, stronger, and sturdier than what his normal um body would be. Very much like Keen Boomy in Avatar when he's got his little robe on and he's so like little old and decrepit, and then he takes it off and he like stands up to full height and he becomes all this like muscle. That's Dr. Bad, but it's more of a robotics kind of transformation than it is. Bitch! Hey!

SPEAKER_01 30:59

You're a Macy! He's a Macy! If I didn't like Macy's anymore, I would not shake your hand like I'm about to and say congratulations on coming out of the Macy closet. But oh my god, you're a Macy after everything you all the shit you gave me. You're freaking enhanced by robotics, dude.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

No, no, no, there is a difference between the enhancements that are on my body and the enhancements that are part of your body, as you can see. And then Dr. Bad like shows, like he does a little a spin and turn. You can see that there are individual pistons um that are sticking directly into bone ports, like straight into his spine or um straight into the muscles of his arms or of his legs. Um whereas your upgrades have become a part of your body. These are really an enhancement into my own physical form.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Well, it's interesting that you say that. So I was born this way, and you chose to be this way. So, really, what's the difference between us at the end of the day?

SPEAKER_00 32:08

The difference is that I will see tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

You sure about that? Both of my arms become energy swords. And I Mike, hold me back, bro! Hold me back, bro!

SPEAKER_03 32:22

No, don't kill him! Don't kill him for some reason. No, Andrew, don't.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

I don't feel like putting forth effort, but imagine I'm coming towards you right now, Dr. Bad. Alright, you don't have to hold me anymore. I'm not gonna lunge at him.

SPEAKER_04 32:34

But I'll hold you for another minute or two. I will say, at best he wiggled because I am still holding that knife to his throat.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:40

Um Alright, I pull it a little tighter. And I'm like, alright, we've had our little fun and games. Let's get down to brass tacks. Okay? We know you must have a way of getting us home.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

I know how to get you to Erath, yes. But you are going to have to help me do it. So let's talk.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

For the record, we're gonna talk with her knife on your throat. Alyssa? Stay there.

SPEAKER_04 33:07

We're staying here. Stay right there. We're just staying here. So let's go.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

And I'm gonna pull the gun away from my own genitals. Right?

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Where did you have a third gun? And where did you get a third arm for that gun?

SPEAKER_04 33:16

How seriously, how are you have so many guns?

SPEAKER_03 33:19

I store them somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 33:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

There's a gun pointing to one of your other guns.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

My gun is holding a gun.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:27

Okay. We are, as we spoke about, we are going to need Jeff and we are gonna need Dalton. We are gonna need fully functioning.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

Fully functioning. Yes. We are going to need weapons. We are going to need about $800 million in cryptocurrency. We are gonna need a Subway sandwich.

SPEAKER_04 33:47

Okay, calm down. Just one. Let's start with that as step one, Dr. Bad. What can you do for us? Because all all of these are moving us towards opening a portal, which is mutually beneficial.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

We need we need a body for Dalton. I think in your lab somewhere you must have a blank robot body or something. Or maybe. Wait, what is that thing next to okay? Is that doesn't that kind of look like Dalton?

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Well, I found that unokay when he was taken by our guards right here to my lab.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

He was gonna hook Dalton up with another body, dude. He must have he got started on it, and we want that body brought over here, and we're gonna put uh we're gonna upload our friend Dalton into it, and then we'll take it from there.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

I was more than happy to meet your demands, but before I can transfer the consciousness of your friend from that USB drive into the physical form of that robot, I'm going to need your dear friend to take the blade from my throat.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

Can I say something real quick though, Dr. Bad first? Honestly, I think speech therapy would do you wonders. And I know that might be a hit to the ego, but I think it would help you professionally. I think it would help you interpersonally. Are you dating anybody? Because this this might be why. And I think if you just address this issue, your life would vastly improve. Vastly improve. Alyssa, take the blade away from his throat, he says. He said it. Did you understand what he said? Because he said it all like Right? He couldn't have fucking- I couldn't understand a lot of it, but I kind of got the gist from context clues.

SPEAKER_04 35:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I understand.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

I have subtitles because I'm a robot, so I can automatically. They're just coming up.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

Honestly, a good call.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

I am just wanting assurance that we're gonna be amicable here on out. Yes, Dr. Bat?

SPEAKER_00 35:43

The only way to get trust is to trust. That's what my mother always said.

unknown 35:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

Does that mean anything?

SPEAKER_01 35:53

The only way to get trust is to trust. Was your mother a doctor or I understand the deeper meaning is that it's reciprocal.

SPEAKER_04 36:03

Just understand that this is not my only means of fighting.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

As you you do so, you take the blade from Dr. Bad's neck, and Dr. Bad moves very, very slowly. Um, and he walks over to where the robot body is in its tube, and he just kind of like looks back at the three of you and holds out an open hand. He doesn't say anything, he just holds out an open hand.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

I flinch at his open hand! Ah! Ah! An open hand! What is he what is that? What are you gonna do with that? You gonna betray us with your open hand, you son of a bitch already?

SPEAKER_03 36:38

Hey, don't betray us with an open hand. Betray us with a closed fist.

SPEAKER_04 36:41

He wants the flash drive.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Oh, here, I'll give it to him. Oh, I dropped it. Okay, okay. Dirty.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

I put it in your hand.

SPEAKER_03 36:48

There you go, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

Um, Jelly Boy, as you as you um hand Dr. Bad the flash drive, he just kind of looks at you um and just nods at you with semi-disapproval. I do hope that this friend of yours is as important as you claim he is, and is as helpful as he intends to be. I would hate for you to burn through all of these favors and goodwill for nothing. Um, and then he pops the USB drive into the little computer that he's sitting in front of, and then he does a little tippy-tappy typey on some of the buttons there in front. There's some beeps and some boops and some other general computer sounds, and you watch as the eyes glow in the robot that is in the tube there next to okay. Uh, and all of a sudden you hear Dalton's voice break through in a scratchy robotic timber. Well, it's about fucking time.

SPEAKER_03 37:53

Dalton!

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Oh my god is back!

SPEAKER_00 38:04

Our heroes have entered into tense negotiations with Dr. Bad, but will it be enough to secure not only their safety, but the safety of Jeff and Dalton? And what will Dalton have to say now that he's back online and facing his friends for the first time all season? Find out next time when our newest episode drops wherever you get your podcast. In the meantime, head on over to our Patreon at www.patreon.com slash dungeon radio hour for more extended intros, outtakes, and behind the scenes content. Until next time, keep the volume up, the dial tuned in, and always say yes to adventure. Bye for now, kids.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Found out it was a woman later. You know what I said? I said good.

SPEAKER_03 39:01

I honestly said good, and then I stopped watching movies directed by men. So mostly I've watched Francis Ha a lot.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

A lot of Gerwig going on in Mike's. A lot of Gerwig. It was all about Greta Gerwig. Mike, what's your favorite Greta Gerwig factoid? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 39:18

Well, she directed Francis Ha.