Chapter 65: Bad to the Boned

When will these fellas NOT get into trouble, 'eh? They just can't seem to stop themselves from poking the hornet's nest. They're just itching for trouble. They're some third idiom. Speaking of hornets, I've got a nasty wasp next on my porch and I'm too scared to touch it and google says lavender will help? Lavender, really? They'll hate the delicious smell and go away after taking the time to renovate their home?? I don't think so, google. Anyway, the gang is in some hot water now! What will they learn as they explore deeper into the lab? How much has Elle played a part? Will they forgive her? Probably not, but it's a nice sentiment. It's all waiting here in DUUUUUNNNNGGGEEEOOONNN RRRAAAADDDIIIOOOO HHHHHOOOUURRR!!!! 

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
THIS SHOW IS NSFW AND NSFK (Not safe for kids. sorry kids!)

Our DM is Dalton Rusher-Riddle
Our Players are Andrew Gehrlein, Michael Adair & Alissa Adair
Theme song by Dustin Hook
Sound effects from Zapsplat and Pixabay
Background music by Alexgrohl, imagne_impossible, kaazoom, and freesound_community on Pixabay

Please check out our Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, AND NOW PATREON on our Linktree to keep up with the latest DRH news!

Bye for now~
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Hello and welcome, Space Cadets, to season two of Dungeon Radio Hour, an actual play comedy podcast where we roll dice, bend the rules, and occasionally commit light space treason. As always, I'm your host and dungeon master, Dalton Rucher Riddle, joined once again by my ragtag band of heroes. Introduce yourself, heroes. I'm Michael Adair.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I'm Alyssa Adair. And I'm Andrew Caroline. Why didn't we seem like it was going to be to begin with?

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Yeah, we just started just going to keep going. And then Alyssa went higher, and I just felt the deep.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

We just kept escalating.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

I think I think the entire show should now be done in this auction. Yes. In this pitch.

unknown 0:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

After Andrew is gonna put in a steam whistle. And then we're just gonna have that go for 30 minutes. Just Mickey Mouse.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

So I we're all animal lovers here on this show. Some more than others. Andrew's got this weird thing with birds going on at the moment that I'm sure he'll expand upon someday. It's sexual.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

If I don't talk about it, it's sexual.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

And I wanted to to take that love, to take that admiration into the fantasy world that we often find ourselves in. And uh imagine, if you will, the four of us walking down a path uh lined on either side by trees. The sky above is blue with birds singing as they fly by. And on this dirt road, we come across this old traveling pedlar of fine and exotic goods. And he he takes a basket from the back of his cart, and he Yes, Michael.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Um can I be the peddler once we get there? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah, absolutely we can. Um and the and the peddler takes this basket from the back of his cart, and he he pulls this like velvet cloth off of the basket, and sitting in the basket are four distinct eggs. Uh, and the peddler addresses the four of us.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Oh, come, view my wares. What's your name, child? Yeah, I'm 35. My name's Andrew. Oh, you young child, so simple, full of the bloom of youth. Come here, view my wares. What's your name again? Andrew.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Andrew. Um, you have wares? Wares? Who is that? Do you have an online shop? Like a TikTok shop?

SPEAKER_02 2:55

What what is this? No, I don't understand what you're saying, but I have eggs in the crate! Okay. My wares! Where are your wares? Where are my wares? Who's on first? Look at this picking egg. Aren't they weird? This one's bumpy and it's oozing and it's green, and this one's um made of jello, and this one looks like a rock. And it's made of jello, it's not an egg.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

It's an egg. Egg shape jello, my egg!

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Okay, something cool comes out of it. Okay, okay, okay. Dalton, I am loving this weird story that we've just delved into. Are we supposed to are we picking an egg?

SPEAKER_00 3:34

So you have to choose an egg from the pedlar of where's where's here, which is what I'm now naming this cart.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Love it. Um here wears. Where, where, here wears.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Where, where, where, where, wears, here wears. Um, so you're gonna pick an egg from the peddler. And this is an egg that you will nurture and hatch, and from it will be your dream or ideal fantasy companion.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

Well, who wants to buy my egg? You have to walk away with one. Who would like to buy an egg? You have to. If you don't, my children will starve. I'm gonna Okay, they can eat the eggs.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

No, they can't.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

For some reason, they can't. Egg allergy or some shit. They can't, they it's stinky, they hate the taste of eggs.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Go ahead. The egg changes based on what I want it to be. No, what's inside is exactly what you want.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

Oh, it's like it knows my heart. Yeah, um, sure. Just I buy an egg and find out. I take the jello egg.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

I take the jello egg and I Oh why the jello egg? Don't pick that one. I put it back in the car. Okay. That's just jello.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

I touched it. It was just jello. No, it's not. Okay, it's my lunch. I'm sorry. I tried to fool you. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 4:56

Go ahead and choose another one, hoping that it is the ever-eternal phoenix. Oh because I want an animal that I like first of all, I like a bird. I fuck with a bird.

SPEAKER_04 5:11

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Second of all, I like the fact that he can be on fire. But most of all, he lives forever. He never dies, you never have to put him down. And if you do, he boom, he comes right back. You can pass him on to your kids. You know what I mean? You can name him Hector or whatever you want. I'm naming him Hector. You guys can name your Phoenix Phoenixus? Phoenix? You can name me Phineai whatever you want. But it has to be vaguely Mexican, like Hector.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Hector, I see, I see.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Are are Phoenix Phoenix eye phoenixii are they Hispanic in your world?

SPEAKER_03 5:51

Nope. Just their names.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

Or you may be confusing Phoenixes with Phoenix, Arizona, and their proximity to the southern border.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

There's a relation. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

There's a relation, and he dresses them only in sombreros or little mariachi outfits.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Okay. It's very cute. There are things to unpack there, I think. But moving on. You there with the glasses and the hair.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Oh, so beautiful. So young. I touch your cheek. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, so cute.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

I don't want to approach.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

Oh, approach. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

I'm fucking marvelous. I have three eggs left. Approach. Oh, I'll take that fur one.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Oh, this one?

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

No, I'm sorry. It's rotten. I throw it on the ground.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

I wanted that one.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

I'm sorry, but it was rotten. Did you see the little skull and bones that came up in the I didn't?

SPEAKER_01 6:42

No.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Oh, you smell it. It smells awful, no? Three more eggs left. I produce another egg out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

This is a weird bitch. Just give me an egg.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Okay, here's an egg. I pull out what looks to be a normal chicken egg from my vest pocket, unrelated to the other egg.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Inside that, how much money do you have?

SPEAKER_01 7:02

None.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

No, but I need money, or I take it back.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

I could give you.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

How about a coupon to something? Yeah, yeah. How about one of those punch cards? And it's the last one, and the last one gives me a free smoothie or something.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

I've got a$3 off a Dairy Queen blizzard.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

Oh my god, it's expired. Done! I fold it up, I put it in my pocket. Okay, and inside, dear, for the price of the expired Dairy Queen coupon is your deepest heart's desire. A creature that would be your eternal companion, one that will follow you dutifully everywhere. And inside that egg is It is APA. Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

I want ABA from Avatar the Last Airbender. Yeah, I like it.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

I like it. I thought you said Abba like the band.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

I mean is all of ABBA.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

If APA could sing ABBA, bonus.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

That would be cool as shit.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

That's specifically ABA.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Can you imagine APA singing and dancing to dancing queens?

SPEAKER_03 8:05

Oh, it's like a cow with an arrow on its head.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

It's a sky bison.

SPEAKER_03 8:09

It's got six legs, so it's an insect.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Put some respect on its name. Exactly. Put some respect on his name, alright?

SPEAKER_01 8:17

He's cool. He is giant. I want to fly around with him.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

He's a big, gentle giant. He's awesome. He's like Falkor. Yeah. But he doesn't talk. He's very much like Falkor. I buy my own egg. Egg? Yes. Alright, here's what's inside my egg. Cracks open. End of transaction. Alright. Inside is a demon. Specifically from um uh his Dark Materials series. His Dark Materials. So the dust is a demon. Yeah, it's a demon.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Well, yeah, I'm just saying for people who dispel it.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

E-A-E-N. E-M-O-N-Daemon. And inside so it's a demon. It's a demon and um, I don't know, whatever I guess whatever the fates would give me as a demon. Dalton. I'm gonna give you like an animated jar of whey protein or something. Like uh whey protein with two little eyes that with black dots in the center and like arms and legs like tally. As his companion? Yeah, as his companion. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna give you.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

That's great. Um even though in this scenario uh we get to pick our own companions. Okay. Um as much shit as we gave Andrew about picking just a generic mythical creature, I am also picking a generic mythical creature. Um, because I want one of these very, very badly. Um and every time I see this creature depicted in any type of media, I'm instantly just like, I don't care. That's the coolest fucking thing ever. Um but it would be a griffin.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Okay. A Peter Griffin.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Um Lois.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Incorrect. Incorrect.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Hey, Lois. That was Terry, that was Jeff. Nope. That was Jeff. That was just Jeff.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

That's all you got.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

A griffin. Would you ride it? Would it uh be like a steed in that way, or would it be like it would be a steed of both the land and the air.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Oh what's his name gonna be?

SPEAKER_02 10:19

Jeremy.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Jeremy. I picked him for you. Jeremy the Griffin. I wasn't thinking Jeremy, but now that I hear it out loud, I think it has to be. Jeremy the Griffin. Jeremy the Griff, Jif the Griff. Jiff the Griff. And we would get matching Letterman jackets that said that. Well, I mean, mine wouldn't say Jif the Griff, but his would say Jiff the Griff.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Yeah. Yours would say Dalton. That's your name.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

I would say Dalton.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Sometimes I like to remind you of your name.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Sometimes I think you forget it. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I forget. Well, you guys are responding to other things.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

This was an invigorating conversation, and I think all of these choices, it's very us.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Dalton picks the strong, noble griffin, his love of fantasy. He picked a traditional animal. Andrew picked a bird. Alyssa, what did you say? You picked something forgettable. I forgot it.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

No, what?

SPEAKER_02 11:15

I'm kidding. No, you picked Appa, obviously. A big lovable companion that like everybody loves. Super strong, but also sweet. And I picked um basically to have a Pokemon that's attached to my soul. Pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

You picked uh you picked a Damon, and their games are uh evangelical crowd that lists.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Do we need to say goodbye to this egg pedlar? Because I don't know if he's gonna survive.

SPEAKER_02 11:42

Yeah. Uh oh, children. Without you children, thank you so much for buying my wares. You gave me how much money, Andrew?

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Uh I swipe my credit card just on your cart. I just didn't see it. I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

Okay, I put it away. So nothing from Andrew. And I terrien coupon from Alyssa. My children are eating good tonight. Thank you so much. It's been so lovely.

SPEAKER_03 12:13

Oh I told you he wouldn't survive this. I told you.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

Oh. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

And with the last egg, he lost his soul.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Oh, he's just bleeding from every or if I said.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Alyssa, do you want your coupon back?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

I take my coupon back.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Um, okay, cool. So to remind all of you what happened last time, you went toe-to-toe with some behemoths. Some behamoths. Bahemoth.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Every creature needs to be said with a southern accent.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

Bahemoth. Some behamoths. Um and they were responding and adapting to your tactics. Every time you would uh do a move, they would adapt and come up with some new defense or countermeasure for for those attacks. Uh Elodromeda came over the loudspeaker and she led you away from the Bahamoth and into an elevator shaft, uh, where she tried to explain to you some of the goings-ons uh of Space House and her involvement and things of that nature. And as the elevator came to a creamy halt, it opened up uh in this giant room where there were behamoths on either side of you lined up in uh like almost war or battle formations. Um and at the far end, standing in this spotlight pillar of light of sorts on this platform, kind of looking down at you, was Dr. Bad himself.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

Hi, Dr. Bad.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Hi, may we approach the bench?

SPEAKER_02 13:56

We're approaching the bench, sir. Well Yes! Yes, yes, please, please approach the bench.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

We start walking things, it's just so big that it's taking a long time. Okay, we're coming. We're coming. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Put a put a big echo on it. Almost there.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Yeah. These guys, they're friendly, right? You meet us halfway.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Everybody give me a posception chip.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

I got a six.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

I got a seven.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Twelve.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

So as the three of you approach, Alyssa, you're the only one who notices kind of like your surroundings as you're as you're coming in. Mike and Andrew, you are pretty much overwhelmed with the behamoths that are lined on either side of this walkway, just the vast expanse and uh emptiness of this room itself. But Alyssa, you look up at the ceiling and you see almost these strands of data. Um, you know, in Wreck It Ralph, when King Candy goes into the code and he is connecting different like nodules of information and he can like disconnect them and reconnect them. It looks very much like that. But instead of nodes of data, they are pictures. Give me another perception check.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Or an intelligence check. Give me an intelligence check. An intelligence check.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Intelligence check. Intelligence check. Don't fuck this up, please.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

15.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Um, you recognize some of these images as things that have happened in your past that you've been here on Space House. Um, memories that you share with Andrew or Mike during the games of Space House, during your interactions uh on the Greater Spaceopolis uh area. Um, but you also see images of past games, you see images of uh this planet previously, um, as it was, you know, kind of thriving, and Mother Nova and Dr. Bad and Jadrotusk were like making their holds here. Um, you see images of the planet being destroyed and being kind of like overtaken by this like dark, pulsing, blackish purple energy. You even see some images of things that have happened as recently as you coming into Dr. Bad's kind of secret base and fighting and making your way through through these rooms, and they're all connected in different kinds of paths, and some paths lead with a TV or a screen like blacked out or static y. Um, and some lead all the way to like an ending of sorts, uh, with a glowing strand that connects all of these, all of these screens. So it's like this this tapestry of interwoven. Yeah, different realities, interwoven, like not necessarily realities, but like probabilities and outcomes.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Got it, got it, got it. You making a couple bets over there, Dr. Ban?

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Oh, my stars! No, I'm not a gambling man whatsoever. These are really probabilities, hedging my bets against what the outcome's going to be, or specific choices that I or the tribunal might make. I had to do some extra calculations recently because the three of you are quite tricky with your variables. But the chicken who was the most helpful. The chicken?

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Yes. Yeah, we know she betrayed us.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Lie, lie, lie, don't be too hard on her. It's not like she has a choice.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

That's what you would say if she chose that, wouldn't you? Just to get us off her case, but we're gonna kill her and you.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

I had hoped that the three of us, well, four of us, including myself, could come to some sort of agreement about all of this.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

What? What was that last bit? He wants to make an agreement with us. Oh. Basically, what you're saying, Dr. Bad, is that we are such anomalies to you that you can't fit us into a box and predict our outcomes. So you need our help to help determine those outcomes.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Close, but not quite. Uh, I have been able to determine some outcomes, but I do need to narrow it down. Um, and as you look at the ceiling above, there are four kind of strands that are glowing. And three of them end in like this victorious kind of pose or imagery of Dr. Bad winning. But then there is a um the second option itself, uh I'm sorry, the third option, um, is just a blank screen with in green kind of like graphic lettering, uh computer lettering, uh, and it's blinking on and off. Phase three outcome undetermined.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Undetermined. Is that the one that you're looking into?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

That's the one. It's always the variables that sometimes pose the greatest problem. So I need the three of you to help me figure out that outcome.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

Well, the only thing we're gonna do in terms of an outcome is make you come out of your skin like ripping out your bones from your eye holes and stuff, you fuck. Look, we're not gonna help you out voluntarily. You think you're gonna help you after everything you've done for us? Go fuck your variables, dude.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Oh, hey man. Andrew, you're getting too worked up, buddy. Oh, it's blood pressure. No, I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

I'm worked up too.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Okay, I'm worked up too!

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Inigo? Fucking Dez? You after what you've done to our team, to our friends, you why would we ever help you?

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Why dear Alyssa? I am simply trying to make your friends better. I'm trying to get them to reach their potential. He called you Alyssa.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

By d tearing them apart?

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Well, well, the Inigo was a special case. He was quite dangerous. So you cut off his hands? We neutralized the threat!

SPEAKER_01 20:18

So you made him better for yourself, not for him.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Oh, well, he will be better in the long run once he goes through the purification process. Purific oh god.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Purification! What does that mean? Explain that to us.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Don't tell me you're using the entity.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

I think it would be better if I just showed you. And Dr. Bad turns and like gestures behind him. And what you originally thought was like maybe the end of the room, there are lights that come on overhead. And they show that this room is significantly longer um than you originally suspected it to be. And at the end, there is just this void of inky blackness kind of emanating up from the ground, and it's pulsing with this purple energy and these like bursts of black and purple void um energy, and on these like chassis hanging from the ceiling, and on this like almost conveyor belt style that going forward, you see Inigo hanging. You see Jeff, and you see uh Dalton's thumb drive, USB drive, hanging on like each of their own little like containment contraptions and going down this conveyor belt towards the board. Interview.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Okay, calm down. Okay, we can just pause that real quick. We can just pause that. Okay, we're here. We're listening. We're talking. We're talking.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

We're talking. And also, did Dalton need his own little thing? You have him on his own little contraption. It's so small. That's all. You could have just made An Ego maybe hold him in his mouth. I know he doesn't have hands now, but it's something like that.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Just take it. It's a little piece of equipment.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

Right, and maybe just like That's all that is. It's just just wasteful. You have machines here that's the room is too big for all of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

You're right, you're right. I d I have a flair for the dramatics. I like a little bit of yeah, a little bit of drama uh in live life. Can you blame me?

SPEAKER_03 22:43

Yes. This is all your Yes. This is all your design. This is all your fault. We're blaming you specifically. Turn your void off as a scary void. Literally. Turn your void off.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Literally. Void off.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Void the void. The three of you should know right now that the Lloyd is not something that can be turned on or off. The Lloyd is constant.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

But that conveyor belt. Turn the conveyor belt off, then.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

Oh, the conveyor belt I can turn off, yes, but I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

But we've threatened you! If that's not enough, what is?

SPEAKER_01 23:20

We've also agreed. We we we said we're talking.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

We are uh threatening, agreeing. We're trying a lot of different tactics.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

We're here to talk. We're having a conversation, okay? We can't have a conversation if we're scared for our friends. So pause the the conveyor belt.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

We're talking.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Yeah, yeah. We're talking. We're talking.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Alright, that's it. I'll go turn the conveyor belt off. Are you trying to move to go turn the conveyor belt off? I'm gonna move. I'm gonna move. Okay. Um, roll a D20 Athletics at disadvantage. Uh at disadvantage?

SPEAKER_02 23:54

No.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Not at disadvantage. 12. Cool. I got to an 18. As you go to move towards Dr. Bat's platform and the controls for the conveyor belt, a behemoth steps out of formation and grapples you with your arms behind your back and just kind of holds you there. Hey, that is my friend, and those are his arms. Do not approach unless you have been asked, and you have not been asked.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

I politely asked you not to bring my friend slowly toward a void on little hooks attached to a conveyor belt while you do a menacing speech. I threatened you. I did all I did all of that. Did you say fleeze at any point?

SPEAKER_03 24:42

Oh shit, he's got you dead to rights, Mike.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Was I rude? Yeah, it was a little bit rude. At the end of the day, we are from the Midwest. You came at him a little high. Hey man, I'm sorry. We might see not quite eye to eye on a lot of subjects, but at the end of the day, you're a human being or something, and I am. Well or I am normally. And I'm sorry. Please, please don't bring my friend to that void slowly, please. See?

SPEAKER_00 25:05

Was that too much to ask? All I wanted was a little bit of Midwest manners from the people of Earth from Missouri.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

Oh, it's so condescending. Please, please let Michael go.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

And then Dr. Bad presses a button and the conveyor belt stops.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Uh okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

How? How do you know so much about the belt?

SPEAKER_00 25:26

How did I stop it? I hit the button, and when I hit the button, the conveyor it stopped. It's very bullish.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

I exact I asked, how do you know so much about Earth?

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Most people outside of Missouri don't know Missouri. You explain it. Explain yourself. I don't even know where it is.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

Well, you have to understand. I've had your friends in my possession for quite some time, and I have a very unique way of getting information.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

Oh, by asking them. He asked them and they told him they ratted us out because everyone is in on this except for hopefully Dalton and us. Right? You guys aren't in on this, are you? Are you gonna betray me?

SPEAKER_02 26:02

I'm not planning to, no.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

Okay, I'm not gonna betray you.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Hoping not to.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Everyone's in on it except for the three of us and maybe Dalton.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

What I haven't heard yet is what do you want, Dr. Bad?

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Is it not obvious yet? I want that. And he turns and he points towards the void. I want its power. I want its knowledge. I want its ability to reshape the universe to fit my design.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

Um lucky for you, my AI already did a scan of the void, and I know how you can take its power. All you have to do is hook yourself to that conveyor belt and send yourself on through.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

No, no. I have run every single probability. I can defeat it with the technology that I've possessed. I've seen it, but I want to control it. And I didn't think it was possible until the three of you arrived on Spesopolis. And you have been touched by the Lloyd. You have traveled through the tower, and you have come out unscathed on the other side. So tell me how to control it.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

We we don't know.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

No, no, we don't know how to explain it to you in so few words. It's complicated. We don't know how to explain. How do we dumb it down to your level? I don't know. I have to think about that.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Yeah, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

A lot of science.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

It's science. Jeff could help us out, and Dalton, and I think everybody roll deception. Indigo as well should help us explain.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

Is there no D in Digo? Andrew roll deception at disadvantage just for that.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

I got a I got a 17 for that and a 15. Uh uh deception plus two. So 17.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

16.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

I got a 14. I'm going to give the three of you 20 seconds to come up with one cohesive lie that you are going to try to sell Dr. Bad. So three. Two one. Go.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

Okay. Um, well, uh Dalton first has to be jacked into Jeff because, yeah, as you know, Dalton has a very high power signature. I'm sure you've read that by now.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

We're needed because you also need our expertise on how to use the portals, and also it requires some rare earth minerals and earth-specific signs. Go ahead and listen.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

We have gone through the these portals not once but twice, and both times, Jeff or Dalton were with were with us. So we cannot, they are part of the entire thing. They are necessary ingredients. You cannot destroy them.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

If you destroy them, you destroy your chance to ever control the void.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

It's biological in in part. And I think you know that because you said how another other people get touched and their bodies change. Ours don't, ours don't. We need all of the ingredients biologically. We need both of them.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

You three have piqued my interest. Well, do it your way. And he presses another button on the panel beside him, and you hear two clicks, and then you hear two very contraptions and fall down um onto the walkway underneath this conveyor belt. And are both lying still on the cold metal floor below them.

SPEAKER_03 29:38

But Anigo is important too because he's he is like a cheerleader. If we if we don't have him, we're not gonna be in the right headspace. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

In all of the scenarios I ran, the rat is not important. And he hits the button again and the conveyor belt continues to go.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

No! No! No! No! No! How about this? We just won't help you without the rat. Just as a thank you, we need him safe. We're gonna put all these pieces together. We're gonna help you out, but you gotta save Anigo because he's our friend.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Dalton, can I do something crazy?

SPEAKER_00 30:10

What would you like to do?

SPEAKER_01 30:12

It's a spell I have not used yet. But in desperation, I think seeing him, I want to cast Polymorph.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

You're gonna Okay, what are you gonna polymorph Anigo into?

SPEAKER_01 30:23

Because I've transformed myself into a bird. I'm gonna transform him into a bird. And so he can fly away.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

An eagle flying a bird!

SPEAKER_00 30:33

Um same brain. You you do so, Alyssa. Um, in in the sheer panic of Inigo continuing down this conveyor belt, getting closer and closer to the the void hole at the end. Um, Mike and Andrew trying to make arguments and they're falling on death ears with Dr. Bad. You just kind of like reach out your hands, and the the panic that you're feeling, and the sadness and the worry and the the dread uh emanate off of you like energy, and spores um start to release from your skin and your hair, and they kind of like dance and float on the wind as they make their way towards an ego, and even unconscious, he is breathing, and as he breathes in through his nose, the pollen and the spores go into his nasal cavity, and they start to to change his form and his shape, and he turns into a bird, and the bird kind of like shakes its head a couple times and then flies off um and up into the the high ceilings of this room before eventually swooping back down and flying out the hallway past all of you and uh up the elevator shaft.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

What the f YES! What I thought bird, I thought bird, and he turned bird!

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Oh, that was you? Interesting. Very, very interesting.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

You have no idea, Dr. Bad, the limits of our power. You do not want to anger us. We are not merely scientists. With the harness power of the portal, we are basically gods. Roll for deception.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Yeah, roll for deception. Alright, cool. 15. Dr. Bad looks like he believes you.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Permission to approach our friends and pick them up off the floor.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Oh, of course, of course, I'm not going to take them to the lab. Go get them.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Okay. Thank you. I'm like, ugh, okay. And don't like your attitude.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

We'll need to retire to our quarters where we can do the second part of our plan.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Oh, no, no, no. We're all going to the lab. Get your friends, follow me. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

Back to the lab again?

SPEAKER_00 32:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Well, and I recall you said that Jeff is basically todd-sized right now, so I do kind of hoist him up, and then I put Dalton into my pocket.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

Jeff is gross right now.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Yeah, he's slimy. He's slimy and gross.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

He's making sucky mouth like mama mama.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

We're going to make our way to my laboratory, and we're going to uh finally get down to business with all of this nonsense. Alright, one by one, onto the teleporter pad. Um and Dr. Bad throws a little disc onto the ground, and it turns into like this little mini wormhole, and he um holds out his hand for one of you to to go forward.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Ooh, I I don't like I don't like teleporter things. I I hear sometimes you can get flayed. You know, there's like a tiny chance of getting flayed.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

No, no, no. No of us, no of us into the teleporter, mind your skin, and he pushes Alyssa into the teleporter.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

No, no, they can't say that everywhere. It can't be a thing everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

Um then he shoves Mike into the teleporter.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

No!

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Okay. And then he shoves Andrew into the teleporter. And then Dr. Bad walks into his own teleporter. Our heroes finally went toe-to-toe with Dr. Bad for the first time, but in their battle of wits and negotiations, they came out with the upper hand. But how long will our heroes hold that advantage? Find out next time when the newest episode drops of Dungeon Radio Hour. In the meantime, head on over to our Patreon at www.patreon.com slash dungeon radio hour for more extended intros, behind the scenes content, and bloopers. Until next time, keep the volume up, the dial tuned in, and always say yes to adventure. Bye for now, kids.