Chapter 63: Repeat Defeat

So good news! The gang opened up the cages to let all of Dr. Bad's prisoners free! The bad news is....they opened up the cages to let all of Dr. Bad's prisoners free. And not all of them seem to be friendly. Don't wake the bear and all that! Or is it don't poke the bear? Idioms are hard. But you know what they say! Don't beat around a dead bush or something like that. 

But this gang is in some hot water under the bridge! And who knows what lies in wait for them through the foggy haze. Will they be able to succeed and find Dr. Bad? Will they find out why he's so obsessed with them? And will they save their friends?? It's all here in another amazing adventure of DUUUNNNGGGGEEEOOONNNN RRRRAAADDDDIIIIIOOOOO HHHHHOOOOUUUURRRRR!!!!!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
THIS SHOW IS NSFW AND NSFK (Not safe for kids. sorry kids!)

Our DM is Dalton Rusher-Riddle
Our Players are Andrew Gehrlein, Michael Adair & Alissa Adair
Theme song by Dustin Hook
Sound effects from Zapsplat and Pixabay
Background music by Nerdius Maximus and delosound on Pixabay

Please check out our Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, AND NOW PATREON on our Linktree to keep up with the latest DRH news!

Bye for now~
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Hello, and welcome, Space Cadets, to season two of Dungeon Radio Hour, an actual play comedy podcast where gravity is optional, but the emotional trauma is mandatory. As always, I'm your host and Dungeon Master Dalton Rucher Riddle, joined once again by my ragtag band of heroes. Introduce yourself, heroes. I'm Michael Adair.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

I'm Alyssa Adair.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

And I'm Andrew Gerline. He's Andrew Gerline. He's so cool and almost. Oh, nice vibrato. There's a nice little send there.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

There's some weird energy coming on.

SPEAKER_05 0:53

There's some perfect energy. Some perfectly acceptable energy for an adult to have.

SPEAKER_04 0:59

It's post-Valentine's Day. We're all like crashing from the candy high.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

That's that's probably very true. Everybody is on a downward spire from their sugar high. Yep. That's that's for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:09

Except for me. Check out my tongue if you're on the YouTube.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

It's very it's aggressively blue.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

He's not kidding about the candy.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

He's been blowing smurfs for the last hour and a half.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

And it's showing.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Um, okay, so for tonight's pre-show to capitalize on this weird energy that's going on right now. Um I have everyone's tried and true favorite. It's a it's a this or that DD edition, but it's gonna hit the the moral compass of the three of you. Um and it's going to see where you actually are when it comes to how you would act in-game on a uh right or wrong kind of spectrum. Um so it should be it should be interesting. I know how I would answer all of these. And I know, I think, how most of you would answer these, but it's gonna be rapid fire, not a whole lot of discussion. We're just gonna go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

unknown 2:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

And when I say rapid fire, no discussion, I'm looking at Michael.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

First thought that's a good one. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

You have a five-word reply maximum.

SPEAKER_05 2:18

Can't do it. I'm already out. Alyssa, do my reply for me. Oh, you're already, you're done.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

You're done.

SPEAKER_05 2:26

I can't be constrained like this. I can't be constrained.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

I can't be constrained is fine. I can't be constrained is great. You can just say that.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Alright, here we go. Ready? Lawful evil or chaotic good.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Chaotic good chaotic good.

SPEAKER_05 2:41

Chaotic good.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Lawful evil. Adopt the mimic or kill the mimic. Kill the mimic. Adopt the mimic. That sounds cool.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Kill the mimic.

SPEAKER_04 2:48

Control a mimic.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

You can't control a mimic.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

It's five words. Short rest or long rest.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Long rest.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Long rest. Long rest, baby. Kick down the door or check for traps. Kick down the door.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Check for traps. Done it many a time.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Always work. Uh seduce as a bard or intimidate as a barbarian. Oh, seduce as a bard every time. Intimidate.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Intimidate because it's fun.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

So seduction. Hoard the gold or spend it immediately on nonsense.

SPEAKER_04 3:16

Oh, it depends on the nonsense.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Hoard it, I guess. Spend it immediately on nonsense. Yeah. Of course, Michael. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hoard. Uh necromancy or wild magic. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Wild magic.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Wild magic. Because then I can wild shape.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

It's more fun.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Found family or a morally questionable alliance? It's the same thing, is it not? It's the same thing.

SPEAKER_07 3:39

It is.

SPEAKER_05 3:39

I mean, in our group, it always found family is so sweet, yeah. For sure. Um, summon demon or become the demon?

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Become summon demon. That's so cool. Multi-class or mono class?

SPEAKER_05 3:54

Multi. Multi.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

I always mono for some reason. Because you're bored.

SPEAKER_05 3:58

That's because you have mono. I am bored.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

And you're so otherwise I don't get to get to the top. I can never get to the top.

SPEAKER_05 4:04

See, this is how you got mono.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Being on top.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Badass crit success or hilarious crit failure.

SPEAKER_05 4:12

Hilarious crit failure.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

Hilarious crit failure.

SPEAKER_05 4:16

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Playing a real game.

SPEAKER_05 4:18

Another one.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Party face or party problem. Oh.

unknown 4:24

Wait.

SPEAKER_05 4:24

Party face. I was like, I have it. No.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

So be the face of the party or be the problem within the party.

SPEAKER_05 4:34

Oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

I don't want to be a face.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

Mike, you're the problem with the body. I'm the problem.

SPEAKER_05 4:40

Party problem, please.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 4:41

You're the problem. I enjoy my role.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

I'll do face.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Um. Hexblade Warlock or Oathbreaker Paladin.

SPEAKER_05 4:48

Ooh, Hexblade Warlock. That's so cool.

SPEAKER_04 4:50

Oh, fuck you. Those are both so good.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Oathbreaker.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Oathbreaker paladin. Hexblade.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Hexblade, Hexblade. Kill the BB E G or Recruit the BBEG.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

Ooh, I like I like recruit.

SPEAKER_04 5:07

Yes. You know, in a way. Yes. Think about Lukey. Think about uh Right.

SPEAKER_05 5:11

Spike from Buffy.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

There's a million examples. I can change him. I can fix him.

SPEAKER_05 5:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:17

And often those characters become the favorite characters of the whole show.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Negan. Um make a deal with the Faye, make a deal with a fiend.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Faye.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Make a deal with a fiend.

SPEAKER_05 5:27

Faye.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

I think I would go fiend too.

SPEAKER_04 5:29

The Faye will trick you.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

So we'll fail.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

So the fiend will just be like, fuck you. Has a deal with the devil ever worked out?

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Both are tricky.

SPEAKER_05 5:39

Yeah, they're both kind of tricky. I'll say this. You see the movie Crossroads? That kid learned how to play fucking guitar right away. So I'll I'll take that route. You get cooler powers with the devil.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Anyway, go ahead. That's true. TPK legend or safe victory.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

I gotta go legend. I know I seem like I'd be the little safe person. Legend. I've thrown my personality.

SPEAKER_05 6:03

We're here to make our mark on this world.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Yeah. I remember my character died once when Andrew was uh being our DNA.

SPEAKER_05 6:11

Yeah, it was a badass moment.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Yeah. And it was a badass moment. I win all or nothing. It's so fun to do that. And I'm willing, I'm someone who's willing to like throw my character. Like kill it. It's fine. Let's go for it.

SPEAKER_05 6:22

Kill it. Not even kill her. Kill it.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Kill it. I have separated. She's no longer a part of us.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

I see. Um, I also know the answer to this question. Talk to every NPC or ignore the obvious plot hook.

SPEAKER_05 6:36

Talk to every NPC.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Talk every NPC.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

Ignore. I like to see what I like to keep the DM on its toes.

SPEAKER_05 6:44

Well, here's and ideally, talk to every NPC.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

I mean, sure.

SPEAKER_05 6:48

Sure, sure. And then ignore the obvious plot hook. Ignore the N the thing to talk to NPCs and get new quests from them. And even talk to the plot hook and they'd be like, that's cool. That's why this show never goes anywhere.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Yes. I am that person. Skyrim, uh, Baldur's Gate. I'm like, I'm completing every side quest.

SPEAKER_05 7:07

Learn every little bit of lore. Yep. That's how you wonder 100% the game.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Um, haunted weapon, sentient armor.

SPEAKER_05 7:15

Ooh, haunted weapon.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Weapon. That sounds cool.

SPEAKER_05 7:18

I want to talk to the ghost and my sword.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

Sentient armor sounds kind of fun. Like Jarvis, you know?

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Andrew, you basically have sentient armor.

SPEAKER_04 7:25

I pretty much do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

Yeah. You're the Tony Shark of this group. Tony Shark.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Betray the king or marry the king.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Can I not do both?

SPEAKER_01 7:37

You can't. You're a woman. But the answer is this or that.

SPEAKER_04 7:41

Betray the king. Betray through marriage. Betray through marriage.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

I like it. Vampire or werewolf? I feel like we've done that one before. Werewolf. Werewolf. Vampire.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

Vampire.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

Really, Andrew? What? Really? That surprises me.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

I like the idea of them living forever and like having like a horde, you know? Oh, versus werewolf is like so uncontrollable, but vampires can be like so stoic and like stone cold.

SPEAKER_05 8:08

I always kind of want to play a werewolf in the game. Like I'm always choosing a character that shifts into something or has some kind of beastly connection to animals. But vampire? Honestly, no. Vampire sounds cool. Can we do an all-vampire campaign that we have to do that? Oh, that would be awesome. Can you imagine that? Just set in our own like little world, the lore we we build it up from the ground up. Maybe we do that on Patreon sometime.

unknown 8:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:35

What do you think?

SPEAKER_04 8:35

What do you think, everybody? I could run. I haven't run a game. I could run that one.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Ancient Lich Mentor or a chaotic archface sugar daddy.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Sugar daddy.

SPEAKER_05 8:47

To have a sugar daddy in this world, what a chance to do that.

SPEAKER_04 8:49

Anch what? Mentor. Oh yeah, I'd choose that.

SPEAKER_05 8:53

No, that that honestly grabs me immediately. You say ancient anything, and I'm like, yes, I will learn all about whatever this is. Whatever it is. This intrigues me.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Yeah. Side with the gods, overthrow the gods. Overthrow. Overthrow the gods. For sure. For sure. Become the villain or accidentally become the villain?

SPEAKER_05 9:12

Oh, accidentally become the villain. Accidentally become the villain.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

For sure, for sure. And then last question dungeon radio hour or so, recap from where we were last time. You guys overrid the generator down here in this containment uh area. You turned off all the lights, you opened all of the cages, and in the process, you also opened the cages to some pretty weird-looking things that are lumbering towards you. Um and that's where we're gonna pick up. So through the fog uh that ha and the steam and the smoke that has filled this room, you see three lumbering silhouettes coming towards you. Mike, give me a history check, please.

SPEAKER_05 10:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

A four.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Um, okay, you don't recognize any of the pieces that these creatures are put together with. So as they come lumbering towards you, uh, the three of you can see that they are an amalgamation of different parts of things. There are synthetic parts, there are mechanical uh parts, there are organic parts, and they all seem to be from different body types, body shapes, body sizes, body colors. Um, they very much are like this chimera striking resemblance of the all of these different pieces put together. Uh, but they are humanoid-esque, and they are deformed, and they are hulking, and they are lumbering, um, and they all seem to have this like faint purple glow just under the skin.

SPEAKER_04 10:55

Is it do they kind of look like the group of Sid's toys from the end of the first toy story?

SPEAKER_01 11:00

How they're all like fused together and like creepily like coming towards the grid. Absolutely, yeah. There's one that crawls, there's one that's bipedal, um, there's one that um has like three arms that it uses to kind of like gorilla its way across the floor.

SPEAKER_04 11:15

Okay, and they have a purple aura.

unknown 11:17

Ah!

SPEAKER_05 11:18

Got me out for this cord of bad purple things!

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Okay, okay, I'm trying to test it.

SPEAKER_05 11:23

Oh fuck. I was trying to remember where I saw this from. And I honestly first thought was is that the cast from Snow Day? Remember that movie? Early 2000s Nickelodeon movie?

SPEAKER_07 11:34

What?

SPEAKER_05 11:34

Really good movie. Like Josh Peck and uh who else is in it? Gene Smart, I want to say. Um Emmanuel Shreaky, remember her? She was really good. She's the hot one.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Um as Mike is as Mike is saying this, you all hear this like ominous clicking noise come from all around you. Like this almost like locks are being engaged, and then the entire room is bathed in this like orange glow, and all of a sudden on the ceiling and on the walls, every like hollow screen, every data pad, uh, every info kind of board turns into replays of the three of you from Space House. Um, each of you interacting with a game or with a participant, but it's your entire history of your Space House run now playing on all of these different screens all at one time. There's no like sound coming from them, and then you hear over the intercom test engaged. Uh, and after you hear test engaged, you hear this uh voice of Dr. Bad.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Well, isn't this exciting? I had planned for the test that hasn't, but I didn't think it would be so soon. Well, there's no better time than the present. Please, please, please don't keep my experiments waiting.

SPEAKER_05 12:59

I didn't understand a fucking word you said. This always happens. Say it again.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

What did he say? He said don't keep them waiting. No, we we definitely won't, and we'll just be leaving.

SPEAKER_04 13:18

You can chill. We're here.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Andrew, you hold your hand out and you stop them from like lurching towards you. Um, and they all three stop there in front of your outstretched hand. And then the one that is standing there in front of you, the one that is the most bipedal, reaches out and places its hand around your forearm and with complete ease wraps around it and grips it just enough to fling you into the air like you are nothing. And I need I need all three of you to roll for initiative.

SPEAKER_03 14:02

It's fun, it's fun, it's fun, it's scary, it's scary, it's scary. It's no longer fun anymore.

SPEAKER_04 14:09

I got a 10.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Seven.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

Modify 20.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Dalton. Would you would you allow a girl a small favor?

SPEAKER_01 14:18

We allow a girl nothing!

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Oh, but I'm just a girl.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

I just want a small favor. Could I have maybe done an action before initiative started?

SPEAKER_05 14:30

One quick reaction.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

I want to druid shape. I want to wild shape.

SPEAKER_05 14:34

She wants to shape.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

I don't do it a lot. I want to do it, and I don't want to waste an action.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

So she wants to she wants to gain the system, is what she wants to do.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah. Yes. And I'm just saying, I probably would have done it before you announced it. But you were talking.

SPEAKER_05 14:49

You do talk a lot.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

But I didn't want to interrupt you before I am just a girl.

SPEAKER_05 14:53

She's just a girl. I am but a girl.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

She's just a girl, Dalton. Please. Um okay, let's do this. Let's roll.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Just wildness.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Roll for wild. Give me give me a wisdom. Give me a wisdom. Just roll for wisdom. Give me a d20. Add your wisdom modifier.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

It was a nat 20, I swear to god.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Filthy bitch. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

I didn't. It literally went under my laptop, so I didn't see it. You're no longer a little girl.

SPEAKER_05 15:20

You are a filthy bitch. I am a bitch.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

I have grown from my own.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Um, yes, you may you may wild shape prior to Andrew being flung through the air.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Okay, so that was in reaction to that.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

Uh so I see him fling. I know this is gonna get bad, so I immediately change. And here's the thing I'm high enough level, I've been looking it up. I can do anything with a challenge rating of one.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

Do you know what has a challenge rating of one?

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Please tell me.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

A giant octopus. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_05 15:55

Oh, that's cool. So how big is a giant octopus? Let's Google it. Big giant eight legs. Huge!

SPEAKER_01 16:06

But here's here's what's crazy. As Alyssa shape shifts into a giant octopus, she shape shifts into the mascot that the three of you put onto your space house.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

With the snake arms.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

With the snake arms.

SPEAKER_04 16:25

Oh fuck, the snake to push.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

She turns into a giant laser laser snake to save uh with snakes for arms. And the three of you, or the Mike, you and Andrew immediately recognize her as the animal that you made up and put on the back of your your space house uniforms. I'm falling.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

The legendary snake to boys!

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Snake the boys!

SPEAKER_05 16:51

Oh my fucking god, it all comes back around.

SPEAKER_06 16:54

Like my voice is so deep now. Guys, I forgot I could do this. Oh, her voice is hot. That's Alyssa, dude.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

I'm still falling.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

That's Alyssa.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

As Alyssa transforms, as Alyssa transforms, though, all of the screens inside the room go to various times that Alyssa has changed her shape over the course of Space House, including the time where she transformed inside of Des and tried to fly back up the his the windpipe. And you hear uh the voice over the intercom speaker again. Transformation pattern recognized, recording data.

SPEAKER_06 17:37

No, what what is happening, guys?

SPEAKER_01 17:40

No! As you hear the transformation pattern recognized, you see one of the three, the one that did not throw Andrew, but the one that has like the three kind of arms that it's using to move across the floor. You see it look at Alyssa and like this kind of like screen wipes over its eyes, and you hear it say tactics changing.

SPEAKER_06 18:06

No, this feels unfair.

SPEAKER_04 18:09

You're supposed to go with the same tactics.

SPEAKER_06 18:13

Um you're not allowed to change it up on a whim.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Dalton. Yes. Um, can I do my move? Uh yes, since we are starting an initiative, you bet yes. Thank you. What's the closest big baddie purple faced guy to me? The one that has the three arms that just looked at Alyssa and said tact exchanging. Don't like that. Kill it.

SPEAKER_05 18:33

I got you, babe. Hey guy, you just did he fling my friend? No, that wasn't the difference.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

He flung me, dude! No, it was that guy, right there! I don't want to get that other guy in trouble for something he didn't do. I'm still fucking.

SPEAKER_05 18:49

Man, these ceilings are high in here. I don't remember them.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

Why the fuck up there?

SPEAKER_05 18:53

Alright, well, you flung my friend. You threatened my hot, deep-voiced octopus wife. So guess what now? Two different ones. Well, Andrew said it was this one, so same guy, and that's what I'm putting all my rage into. You hurt both of my friends! And here we go! Oh, you're gonna fucking get it. Dalton, I would like to grow in size. Okay. Slightly. Slightly. Slightly? I I I'm growing in size enough to encompass this big fucking balooca. Hey guy! You're about to experience the ooze crush. You're just making things up now. No, it's on my character sheet! It's on the character sheet you wrote! Oozecrush! You've got to before. You um have the ability to uh cor uh use a corrosive acid against an enemy, ooze crush.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Um, give me a contested athletics check, please. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 19:58

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I rolled a one. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh no! Oh god! Oh what no! Alright, what happens? Get a plus eight to athletics. Can it be a nine at least? Sure, it could be a nine.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

It's not gonna be enough, but it can be a nine.

SPEAKER_05 20:20

Okay, alright.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

You still roll two.

SPEAKER_05 20:25

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Um you go to expand uh and slowly ooze your way forward to the bipedal behemoth that's in the middle of the line of three. And as you do, the screens around you change once again, and it now shows any time that Mike has transformed in size, either making himself bigger or making himself smaller. Um, and as that screen plays all of these things, you hear a voice come over the intercom again. Enlargement pattern recognized. And as it says enlargement pattern recognized, the bipedal behemoth turns and makes eyes with you, Mike. And just like Alyssa's, you see this like almost screen wipe go across the pupils. Um, as it says, Tactics change. And as you go to slowly encompass it, it's gonna go ahead and take its action. It releases almost this EMP-like pulse of electricity that is going to go into you, and since you are making contact with it, it gets to roll at advantage, and it's gonna be an 18 to hit.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Whoa!

SPEAKER_01 21:34

And it's going to be seven lightning damage. Ow!

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Fuck you, guy!

SPEAKER_05 21:41

Oh, what I was gonna do is so cool! Why did you do that? Oh, you have no idea what's coming next. Um I mean, it kind of seems like you know patterns and stuff, but I'm gonna be a real wild guard in this one, guys. You're not gonna know what's coming next.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Not only is Mike electrocuted. But the the ooze like body structure, the jelly that he has gotten onto the behemoth just kind of like sloughs off and falls down to the Oh my sl my sludge!

SPEAKER_05 22:11

Oh no! Oh man!

SPEAKER_01 22:14

So the other the other two are going to attack as well. The three-armed one Alyssa is going to attack you. It's gonna be a five to hit. What's the giant octopus' arm of glass?

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Uh it is an eleven, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Um so it goes to do its three-arm multi-attack. Bam, bam, bam. Um, and your new arms are so slippery and slidey that you're able to gracefully evade each of the three hits. Um the third behemoth that is there, which is significantly smaller than the other two, kind of like looks up at the ceiling, Andrew. It kind of like makes eye contact with you as you're still, for some reason, falling through the air. Um and it's going to be a 17 to hit.

SPEAKER_04 23:05

Oh, yep, that'll do.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Um, as it jumps up into the air. Um, and as it jumps up into the air, you all realize that the two legs that it has are very amphibian-like. Um as it launches itself up and it gives Andrew a one-two kick as it hits you with its webbed feet, giving you 12 in bludgeoning damage.

SPEAKER_04 23:35

Oh, fuck.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

And knocking you straight down to the ground. Oh fuck Andrew! Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 23:43

Oh, frogbot just kicked me hard.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Oh, God. It is now either Alyssa or Andrew's turn.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

I think Andrew got higher than me.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Alright, Andrew.

SPEAKER_04 23:51

Um, as I hit the ground, I I kind of get up. Uh, is that thing that just kicked me still up in the air?

SPEAKER_01 23:57

No, it landed very gracefully beside you.

SPEAKER_04 23:59

Okay. I I get up and I look at it and I go, I wipe like the b the oil off my face like blood, and I go. Tactics changing.

unknown 24:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 24:10

And I fucking blast an energy blast at that little bastard.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Cool, you do so. Um, roll the hit.

SPEAKER_04 24:15

Agonizing blast. Okay, uh, let's see. 13 for the hit.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Okay, that is enough to hit.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

Oh, sweet. Okay. Nice. And then 11 plus 2, which is 13.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Love it. So you raise your uh techno arm and it turns into a laser cannon as it begins to warm up. This bright blue light begins to glow and emerge from the center of your palm, and then just like a one, two, three, boom, as this channeled blast of uh proton energy slams into this frog bot and sends it flying into the back wall, uh, denting into a um like a panel uh on the back wall. But as you blast it, you watch as the screens change to every single time Andrew has ever used his laser gun uh throughout the course of Space House, and you hear the voice come over the intercom again. Energy pattern recognized. And as the frog bot like lifts itself out of the crashed panel of wall that you just slammed it into, you watch as that little line goes across its eyes, across its pupils, and it goes, Tactics changed.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

Uh the the one that was like attacking Mike, uh, isn't that one still near me?

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Yes, the one that is attacking Mike is the one that would be nearest to you, yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

That would be okay. So I'm gonna go ahead and take my tentacles and I'm gonna try to do um an attack, uh, which is like bludgeoning damage just to grab at it and hit it. And then it also says um if it's successful, it is also grappled.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Um, so I'm gonna go ahead and roll for that. Oh, cool. Nope, I got a seven, and I'm sure that's a little too low.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Um, yeah, so you go to Oh wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Plus five. It says plus five to hit twelve.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

That is enough because the armor cost is twelve exactly. Um as the electricity falls out of or dissipates from the organic structure of the behemoth that just shocked Mike, you wrap your octopus-like arms, your snake arms around it and effectively grapple it, and you watch it as it does become constricted in your grip.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

And that did seven damage, and I go, yeah, calamar this.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Hey!

SPEAKER_05 26:49

Nice, babe! Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:52

Hi, tentacle, dude. Mike, Alyssa's the octopus, right? I d uh did this octopus just show up, or is that Alyssa? I'm up in the air.

unknown 27:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:00

Yeah. Do you see the glasses?

SPEAKER_03 27:02

Oh yeah, it's wearing glasses. It still has the glasses.

SPEAKER_04 27:06

Some octopus wears glasses. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's some octopus.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

Dalton, for flavor, can we also say the little tentacle give gave him a little bite? Since they are snake tentacles.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Yes, the little snake tentacles did did indeed give it a little bite. I just want to know it did. Alyssa, as you wrap your tentacle arms around the the middle behemoth, the bipedal one, and your little snake tentacles give it this damage, um, the screens in this room change once again, but now it's showing Alyssa as this octa snake or whatever it this thing is that we're calling it. Um it is calling or it is showing Alyssa as this snake to push that she has been for the last what five minutes, if that. Um, and you hear the voice come over the intercom again. Biomass scanned. And as you hear it say, biomass scanned, Alyssa, the behemoth that you currently have holding on to you, looks at you, and that little bar wipes across his pupils again, and it says, Tactics change. And it is now the behemoth's turn to Oh no, Michael, it's your turn.

SPEAKER_06 28:13

You never talk about a woman's weight or mass.

SPEAKER_05 28:17

It's a good point. That's a good point, octopus, babe.

SPEAKER_06 28:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 28:20

Alright, here we go. Octopus, babe. Dalton. What what is the closest behemoth to meet?

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Uh, the one that shocked you. That Alyssa currently has grappled.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

That is grappled. The shark.

SPEAKER_05 28:33

It's the froggy one?

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Yeah, no. The froggy one is with Andrew.

SPEAKER_05 28:36

Can you describe this one physically really quick?

SPEAKER_01 28:38

The one that Alyssa currently has wrapped up. Um, have you seen Attack on Titan?

SPEAKER_07 28:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

They kind of look like that. It's just like this large, hulking, naked human-esque creature with this long, scraggly hair. Um, but it's very Frankenstein-esque as it's a bunch of different pieces put together, but it's the most human-looking one out of the three.

SPEAKER_05 29:01

Nice. I look at the guy, and I'm doing Andrew's thing, and I'm like, analyzing, changing tactics. You're you uh fucking suck. You're a you're a douche. You you kinda look human, your hair is bad, bad hairline, shitty breath, low self-esteem, tiny dick. Uh-uh. And uh just analyzing him and judging him. Yeah. Here's what I'd like to do. I put up my dukes, um, and I want to use my grab gauntlets, and I'm gonna do fur flurry of blows. Okay, so I got my grab gauntlets, I'm gonna do flurry of blows. Now the grab gauntlets I always forget you're a monk. The grab gauntlet the grab gauntlets, do they add extra damage? What's the deal with them?

SPEAKER_01 29:47

I think it gives you a plus two to your unarmed strike.

SPEAKER_05 29:52

Okay, cool. Cool.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Uh, and you're rolling this at advantage because he is um grappled. 19 to hit.

SPEAKER_05 30:01

That is enough to hit. Alright, that's eight. But Dalton, there is more. Yes. Okay. There is more. I want to spend an additional key point for stunning strike. When you hit with a melee attack, you can spend one key point to make the target stunned after the end of your next turn. It fails. Uh, if it fails, a constitution saving throw.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Okay. Nice. What do I need to be if it fails a constitution saving throw? What's your save? 16. This behemoth got a 12, so it failed, so it is stunned and grappled. Um, and the screen, the screens change once again, and you see any time that Mike has used hand-to-hand combat over the course of Space House, and you hear the voice come over again, um, and you hear the the voice say, Melee combat pattern recognized. But then the behemoth doesn't say tactics change because it has been it's been stunned and it's been grappled. Um, so this one effectively has been taken out of commission for the time being. Um but that is not going to stop the other two from attacking. Uh Alyssa, the bipedal one that is coming closer is now standing on one center leg, and its two arms are now up in the air, and kind of like Andrew's robotic arm, but its hands disappear into these like silvery stumps, and in their place out pop these energy buzz saws that start to swirl and turn. And it's going to two unarmed strikes against you. The first is gonna be a um 11 to hit.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

I like how it's uh buzzsaw hands, but it's still unarmed. Because those of his hands are just buzz saws.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

There! So my armor class is 11. So don't I win ties?

SPEAKER_01 32:01

No, the tie goes to the attacker. Uh just like in real life. So um 11 and 14 for both of those hits.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Obviously, the 14 hits if the 11 hits.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

There you weirdly, the 11 hits, but the 14 does.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

That's going to be 8 slashing damage altogether, and I need you to roll a constitution save because both of these energy buzzsaws slice into your your snake tentacles.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

I rolled a three for constitution.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Um, the pain, the searing pain from being attacked immediately makes you let go of the behemoth.

SPEAKER_06 32:38

Owie, owe wee owie!

SPEAKER_04 32:41

You were the octopus of snake to push that's Alyssa, I think. I'm still not convinced. It's got glasses, but I've seen a lot of I saw I watched My Octopus Teacher. Remember that one from 10 years ago. It had glasses, I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Andrew, the frog bot is now making its way towards you. Um, but as it does, it grows these like little tiny twiggy robo hands out of its out of the sides of its torso. Um yeah, they're very, they're very tiny. Oh, yeah. But you quickly realize that they don't need to be big because they start flinging these energy ninja stars at you one by one. Um I'm gonna need you to give just give me a dexterity save.

SPEAKER_04 33:30

Not good, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Uh oh no 13. 13? Cool. Um let me it's never good to hear a bunch of rolls.

SPEAKER_02 33:43

Stop rolling so many fucking times. Why are you rolling so many times? Stop it. Oh my god! Done. He's still going.

SPEAKER_05 33:50

That's probably enough.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

What the fuck? It's probably fine.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

So you are hit eight times. Jesus in each each time it gives you this like little jolt of electricity into your like that you feel in every wire um of your robotic self, but you feel it fire and pain in every like muscle fiber and nerve ending of your organic body. So it's like pain and pleasure mixed together in one feeling. Uh, but you take 16 electricity damage or 16 lightning damage.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

Oh my boy!

SPEAKER_04 34:36

The last noise was just me doing that. Just uh I could see.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

I wasn't from Frog Guy, he's fine. And now it's Andrew's turn, I believe.

SPEAKER_04 34:44

I believe so. I'm like I'm like still twitching, and like there's smoke coming off of all my joints, like out of the the little holes, you know. Um I'm like, you frog bastard. But I saw the first X-Men movie, and if I know anything, it's that toads are allergic to lightning or some shit or whatever horrible line Halia Berry said was, and I go back and I I would like to get out my sword, my energy sword. Uh-huh. And I would like to just bolt towards the frog and try to stab him in the fucking chest.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Okay, cool. You do so. You get out your energy sword and you run towards it and you get ready to to attack it. And once again, the screens change, and now it's showing every instance that Andrew's ever used his energy sword um over the course of Space House, including the time that he just ignited it here.

SPEAKER_04 35:39

I look at the screen, I'm like, is that really my posture all the time, guys? I like God. It's just like we've been really meaning to tell you about it.

SPEAKER_05 35:47

I think you're getting developing a hump, and I don't want to say anything.

SPEAKER_04 35:50

A little bit. And I thought I would look badass with a sword. I look a little I'm just like a chubby kid with a toy sword. And a rope. No, you thought I was cool. I haven't looked in a mirror this entire time. I thought I was cool. Oh, you look cool.

SPEAKER_01 36:01

No, you look cool, buddy. You hear the voice again. Energy pattern recognized. And Andrew, as you're barreling towards the frog bot, you see the line go across its pupils again. Uh, but this time you hear a different message. This time you hear New Tactics engaged. And right before you're ready to strike, this energy barrier pops up in front of the Robofrog that it emits um and completely surrounds itself like the droidicus from Star Wars. Um, but it doesn't get it up in time enough, and your sword is able to penetrate enough that you're able to dig into its skin. Um, and as you do dig into its skin, it does kind of like emanate this purple radiant energy, and as it does, it is just enough to make your inside wiring feel fuzzy, and you recognize it as the same feeling or adjacent feeling that you got on the space shuttle.

SPEAKER_04 37:04

I like take my sword out of there and I like grab my head for a second. Oh, that was weird.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

Um, and now it's Alyssa's turn.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

Well, I'ma try to hit slash grapple another person. I'm a giant octopus, that's all I got is tentacles. So we're just gonna do that. But uh, can I go after the other one? Because the first one that I went for is still stunned.

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Correct. So now you want to go after the one that's got the buzzsaws that's attacking you?

SPEAKER_02 37:30

The buzzsaw one, we're coming and giving you a big old tentacle hug. That's right. Ooh, uh I hit a 21 to hit.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Cool, I love that. Um, you go and you wrap your tentacles um around the the the behemoth that is standing there with the two arms with the buzzsaws. Um, and as you do so, the screens change once again, but this time they're showing when you grappled the first um behemoth, and you hear the voice over the intercom.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

Hand-to-hand combat recognized.

SPEAKER_01 38:05

And you see, right before you're able to engage, you see the line go across the the pupils of this behemoth, and you hear it say tactics change. And as you wrap your snake tentacles around it, you get a searing pain as you watch smoke just kind of rising from the skin of this behemoth that it as it's uh heated its dermal layer to uh to be almost be a defensive barrier against your your snake tentacles.

SPEAKER_06 38:38

Oh, this feels unfair. Why?

SPEAKER_04 38:40

Because your raw and raw octopus is bad, it has toxins in it.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

But he still takes 11 damage, Dalton. Don't you take that away from me.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Yes, he still takes 11 damage. Yeah. You take Excuse you.

SPEAKER_06 38:52

Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

Four fire damage.

SPEAKER_06 38:54

Fine. My giant body can take it.

SPEAKER_01 38:58

Um, as the three of you are in battle with these three behemoths, and you are recognizing a pattern that they are adapting to you as you are fighting them, you hear another voice come over the intercom, but it's not the same automated one that you have been hearing. Uh, hey guys, like you're not going to win. They're gonna keep coming up with answers for you every single time. So, like, come this way. And a door opens at the end of the hall. So imagine you're in like this T-shaped hallway, and you're fighting the three behemoths on the main part of the T, but on the left hand side of the T, there is a door that now opens up that you are being beckoned towards.

SPEAKER_03 39:44

Is that L?

SPEAKER_01 39:45

I think it's L.

SPEAKER_02 39:46

Like we'd fucking listen to you, L. But she betrayed us. Uh, we were considering that she was a double double crosser.

SPEAKER_06 39:55

Double double animal style.

SPEAKER_01 39:56

We can fight about this later, but if you guys like want to live, you should totally listen to me and follow me now.

SPEAKER_05 40:02

Uh we don't know that she's a traitor chicken. She might not be.

SPEAKER_02 40:06

I said she might be a double double. Who knows? But I guess she's right. As usual, you hear the tone in my very deep voice. It seems like these guys are gonna keep coming after us in new ways anyway.

SPEAKER_04 40:18

I don't even think you need to change, Alyssa. Just stay as a you don't have bones, so you can fit through any opening, really.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

That's true. And I go slithering.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Just this mental image of an octopus with snake arms slithering its way down a metal glame plane. And glasses. Yes. Do you follow Alyssa Snake to Puss?

SPEAKER_04 40:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

So, Alyssa, you slither your way down. Uh, Andrew and Mike, you make your way down as well. I'm going to roll 13, 13, and 12. Um, everybody's armor class is above a 13, right?

SPEAKER_06 40:51

Technically, not in my octopus.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

Oh, that's right. Okay, Alyssa, you do take three damage um as you disengage from one of the behemoths and run away towards L. Um, Mike and Andrew, your behemoths do try to attack you once again, but you are able to get away after that happens.

SPEAKER_02 41:12

One of my tentacles hisses in disapproval.

SPEAKER_04 41:16

The one that looks like Steve Buscemi.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Um the behemoths do chase you down this this hallway, but the door slams shut behind you, and you just hear them pounding mercilessly, um, their fists falling on the metal as they're trying to get to the other side to where the three of you are. Um, and as you come to the other side of this door, you open up into just another very long hallway.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

I imagine I'm taking up most of the space.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

You are. You are taking up most of the space. It's it's a very it's a it's a long access hallway, like almost like a maintenance hallway.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

My head's like partially upside down.

SPEAKER_04 41:54

I start squishing Alyssa and I like lift up her tentacles and stuff. Oh, I'm looking for your ink sac. I just gotta know. Is this okay what I'm doing, Mike? This this is very new. This is very new. Squeeze the ink sac. I just want to see it.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

I think you're fine. Alyssa, give me a constitution save.

SPEAKER_04 42:12

15.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

With the close proximity and all of the touching and the poking and the prodding and the anxiety from the battle that you just had and the fact that you are bleeding from the tentacles. Um, Mike and Andrew are able to put and apply just enough pressure that an ink sac that you did not know existed explodes and covers all three of you in this greasy, gooey, gooey, black sludge.

SPEAKER_05 42:50

I hold up a plate of pasta and I catch a lot of it. Ooh, ooh, and that's nudge.

SPEAKER_01 43:05

Our heroes have found themselves in the heat of a battle with opponents that change tactics after every move. And when a voice from the past beckons them further into Dr. Bad's lab, what will await them on the other side of the door? Find out next time when our newest episode drops of Dungeon Radio Hour. In the meantime, head on over to our Patreon at www.patreon.com slash dungeon radio hour for more extended intros, behind the scenes content, and bloopers. Until next time, keep the volume up, be dial tuned in, and always say yes to adventure. Bye for now, kids.

SPEAKER_06 43:59

Okay. I have ink on my face. Nice dude. Hey, nice. Not making it into the episode.

SPEAKER_05 44:05

I'm gonna make sure that doesn't, but that's good. That was good.